Can we just talk about how weird marriage gets when you’re parenting teenagers?

Like, when the kids were little, my husband and I could sit down at the same time once a day. We might’ve been covered in spit-up or cleaning up Goldfish crumbs, but we were still together.

Now? It’s like we’re roommates running a high-stress youth hostel with unpredictable hours. We have three kids who participate in 5 different sports and other extra curricular activities and none of them drive yet.

It’s the Season of Divide and Conquer

Between practices, homework meltdowns, orthodontist appointments, and “Mom, I need poster board” at 9:45 p.m.—we’re constantly in pass-the-baton mode.

He’s picking one kid up while I’m at a parent meeting. I’m grocery shopping while he’s fixing the car. We wave at each other across the living room and call it quality time.

What helps?

We spend time each Sunday looking at the calendar together. We break down who can cover what and write it in the notes section – thank you perimenopause brain fog.

We grab time together whenever we can – maybe we sit at the dinner table for 10 extra minutes once everyone else has been excused, I’ll read my book in the office while he does paperwork, or he will get up early and do office work while I do my morning workout.

It’s short and simple, but it reminds us we’re in this together.

The Real Enemy? Teen Drama.

Sometimes it really feels like our teens are testing us just to see if we’ll crack. And when we do? We tend to snap at each other instead of the kid who made it all the way to practice before realizing they didn’t have water or a ball.

What helps?

We support one another, especially in front of the kids. If we don’t the kids know they have won. If one of us disagrees with something the other one said we will discuss that in private and then go back to modify, if needed. That way, we don’t contradict each other when the teen drama kicks in.

Delegation, Responsibility, and Attitude

My husband helps coach a lot of the kids sports, therefore by default the other stuff kind of falls to me. But he also has the added responsibility of keeping those schedules up to date in the shared calendar. And I know it will get done – one thing off my plate!

The kids are responsible for packing their own gear, snacks, water, etc. They are all older now and can handle that level of accountability. Trust me, sometimes they have to learn the lesson about being prepared the hard way.

What helps?

We have a shared calendar together help keep us all on the same page.

I’ve actually been contemplating getting the skylight calendar. Has anyone loved or hated it? Share your experience in the comments.

Marriage in This Season = Daily Choices

This isn’t a rom-com season. It’s a “you take the trash out and I’ll handle the attitude problem” season.

But every day, we get to choose to show up for each other. Even if it’s just in small ways. Especially in small ways.

What helps?

Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Say “thank you” more often. Touch base before bed—even if it’s just “love you, goodnight”. Make eye contact on purpose. Seriously. We forget.

One day, the house will be quiet again.

Until then, let’s keep choosing our person—even in the middle of the mess.

You’ve got this, friend. So does your marriage.